what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
