someone get that fucking seahorse.
it hurts more in the daytime
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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