I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
