i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
