Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
