btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
