thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The uberlube is also flammable
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
