I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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