I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
