today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
