Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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