forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
