I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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