We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm just crazy horny about you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
