Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
