At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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