1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
