sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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