i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My cat gives me a boner
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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