Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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