my sisters under your porch take her home
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dicks are not precious.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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