your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
