My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize