I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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