Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
