oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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