he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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