I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
