Pants 0. Shit 1.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
