I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
