Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
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The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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