don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
