If that was your dad, he is hot
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His hands were made for my vagina.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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