he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
