i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
