K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
