He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
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He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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