I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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