do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
