Don't make out with my wife yet
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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