whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
