since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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