so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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