It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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