The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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