chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
