I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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