You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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