I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
