I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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