That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
