i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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