May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
