my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
