Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
