How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
