Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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