Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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