It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
