my mouth tastes like poor choices
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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